It’s impossible to take the high road 100% of the time, especially in the realm of parenting.
Over the years, the funny parents of Twitter have shared the pettiest things they’ve done to their children or on their behalf. And many grown-ups have similarly tweeted about their parents’ pettiest acts.
Below we’ve rounded up 22 tweets about this generally harmless but hilarious parenting behavior.
What is the pettiest thing you’ve ever done?
I’ve eaten my kids chocolates and then helped to look for them.
— 🦋 Kᗩᗰᗩᒪ Kᗩᑌᖇ 🦋 (@kamz26) December 1, 2020
It may be petty but if my kid wakes me up one more Sunday before 5 AM, I’m taking the straw off her juice box when I pack her lunch.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 7, 2021
5 keeps wanting to have a “who can hold their breath the longest” contest and keeps winning.
Is it super petty that I want to hold his nose so he doesn’t keep winning?
— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) May 11, 2020
My mom is so petty😂🤣… she asked my lil sis to clean the kitchen before she goes out with her friends and my sis said she’ll be late she’ll do it after.. so when she was in the shower my mom took all three of her wigs, makeup bag and drove off 😂🤣😭😭😭😭😭
— Bosi 🇰🇪 (@lakenyaa3) July 11, 2018
There are certain personality traits I’m concerned about passing on to my child, like pettiness and spite, but when he asks for a sip of my water and then spits it back into the glass I become more concerned with how to get his bitch ass back.
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) April 22, 2020
The kids were being less than cooperative this morning…
as payback, I am playing “Wake Me Up, Before You Go Go” by Wham while they try to eat breakfast …
— Benjamin W. Bass (@TheDarkRabbit) January 15, 2020
When I was in high school, my boyfriend dumped me and my mom still asks about “the asshole” just to make sure he’s not doing well and that’s 100% the kind of petty my kids’ boyfriends can expect from me.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) June 25, 2019
the pettiest thing my mom ever did was hide all the snacks in the house when she knew I came home w the munchies to punish me for gettin stoned hahahha
— a quiet storm (@m0rning___gl0ry) December 23, 2017
So we’re going to do the whole Santa nonsense with our girls…
Am I petty for not wanting Santa to get credit for all the gifts that *I* am purchasing?
— Parentalgrit (@ParentalGrit) December 17, 2018
Chick Flick Titles For Moms:
– Sleepless Is The Battle
– Petty Woman
– How To Lose Your Mind In 10 Days
– 27 Stresses
– The Devil Wears Nada
– Snotting Hill
– You’ve Got Kale
– 10 Things I Hate About Poo
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) November 14, 2018
This is a good time for self reflection and goal achievement, like for example I didn’t know it was possible for me to eat an entire bag of pasta out of spite for my children who decided they no longer eat macaroni and cheese. Mommy wanted it all, motherfuckers
— Stephanie Wyeld (@steph_the_twit) April 9, 2020
petty parenting =] when my kid takes his sweet ass time in the morning to go to school, instead of yelling i let him – so when it’s time to pick him up I take my sweet ass time RIGHT BACK 🤷🏻♀️ ! He made me wait 7minutes this morning … I’m 7 minutes late to pick him up 😁
— Mindy (@Serendipityyx3) March 16, 2021
my ex posted a pic of him & his newest fling on facebook, & the caption was “ain’t she pretty” & my mom’s petty ass commented “no not really” 😂😭😂😭😂😩
— madi (@madison_lashane) October 26, 2017
Few people are as petty as mothers in a PTA meeting or classroom parents on a group chat hitting the Reply All button 😂
— dara tafakari (@TrulyTafakari) June 14, 2018
Have kids so instead of having a relaxing Friday night watching TV you can all sit down and argue over what movie to watch until you finally lose your shit and pick something no one likes out of spite.
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) August 3, 2019
6 said his friend handed him a note that said “You suck”, and he crossed out those words and wrote “You are nice” and handed it back.
I can’t take credit for this because I’m far too petty
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) December 3, 2019
You can be petty when it comes to your kids. That’s in the parenting rule book.
— Reagan Gomez (@ReaganGomez) June 9, 2014